I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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