the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
