Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
