There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
do herpes really smell.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
