what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
