I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
