Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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