I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
