he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
