It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
