i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
