This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
