i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
