I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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