Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
