we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
