I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
