I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
