White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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