He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
