They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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