if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
