Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
