pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
