Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
