NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
