Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
