8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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