piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
