After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just googled if crying burns calories
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't turn off my feet"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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