you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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