explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
