Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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