she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
