I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
