I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
