discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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