Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
