I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
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