She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
