when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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