I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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