I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You are the jesus of drinking
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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