ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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