Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
