yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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