We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
