theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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