According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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