he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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