Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
