She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
