Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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